Amazon Basin, April 1 — In what experts are calling one of the most “confusingly amphibious” discoveries of the decade, Russian biologist Dr. Vladimir Skoventshky of Moscow Science University has announced the identification of a new species: Acroloxolidea pulmunata, colloquially dubbed the Toad Snail.
Described as “neither entirely toad nor fully snail, but something deeply committed to being both,” the creature was reportedly found clinging to a mossy rock in the remote western Amazon rainforest. Early footage shows the Toad Snail moving with both a sluggish glide and, occasionally, what witnesses insist were “miniature hops.”
“This could redefine our understanding of gastropod locomotion,” said Dr. Skoventshky, solemnly adding that the Toad Snail “appears to sigh audibly when touched, which is rare behavior even among confused mollusks.”
The Toad Snail has already achieved viral status online, amassing over 15,000 fans on its unofficial fan page and spawning a line of crocheted plush toys and speculative documentaries.
Its age remains uncertain, though Skoventshky’s team estimates it could be “anywhere between three years and the late Cretaceous period.”
Researchers are currently observing its diet, which allegedly includes “dew, moss, and deep philosophical thought.”
Further studies are underway, and the scientific community eagerly awaits the team’s full report. Until then, the world can only watch in fascination as this mysterious amphibio-gastropod continues to blur the boundaries of biology—and reason.
